17 August 2006


The Associated Press reports that orangutans are now hooking up via the internet:
Zookeepers in the Netherlands are planning to hook up Dutch and Indonesian orangutans over the Internet and believe the link could at some stage be used as an online dating service where apes could get to know one another and keepers could work out whether they would be compatible mates.

First things first: A romantic dinner for two.

"We are going to set up an Internet connection between Indonesia and Apeldoorn so that the apes can see each other and, by means of pressing a button, be able to give one another food, for example," said Anouk Ballot, a spokeswoman for the Apenheul ape park in the central Dutch city of Apeldoorn.

She said the chance of two orangutans actually mating as a result of the online interaction was small due to the problem of transporting them between the Netherlands and Indonesia. "But I wouldn't rule it out completely," she told The Associated Press.

If any of you still have internet-resistant relatives about, perhaps this bit of news will be just the thing to convince them that it's time to fully-embrace the modern age. After all, if it's so simple a monkey can do it . . . .

In the meantime, I'd suggest that you join me in capitalizing on lessons learned from earlier waves of internet adoption -- what starts with a higher purpose gets repurposed quickly.

I'm starting an online orangutan porn company as soon as I post this message.

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