Mea Culpa

A frequent correspondent has suggested that I may have offended a number of individuals with today's various rants; she has further inquired whether I am in a bad mood or whether I am just a giant a-hole. As her two options are not mutually-exclusive and I am, in fact, capable of multi-tasking, the correct answer is "both". On my way home, however, during my XM wanderings, I chanced across a tune by the Japanese pop duo PuffyAmiYumi; I didn't understand a single word, but I'm just so gosh-darned happy now that I feel the need to make amends. I would like to offer my sincerest apologies to the following people whom I may have unintentionally offended today:

• Fans of Japanese Monster Movies
  
• Handicapped Persons
• Athletic Homosexuals
• Victims and Survivors of Nuclear Bombings
• Competitive Chess Players
  
• Deceased Members of the Japanese Parliament
  
• The Homeless

I intended to offend, and remain unapologetic for any offense taken by, the following persons today:

• Diego Maradona
• The French
• Members of the 2004 United States Men's Olympic Basketball Team

I had intended to offend the following persons today, but have inexcusably failed to do so:

• Environmental Activists
• DaVinci Code Conspirists
• Living Members of the Japanese Parliament
• French-Canadians

Have a nice day.