TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (74)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of Reuters (from Thursday, July 27; link good at time of posting):

A company that sells software to correct irritating Internet spelling mistakes has reissued its latest news release to correct a minor snafu.

TextTrust, which says it focuses on "eliminating the negative text impressions on Web sites," re-released a Tuesday news release to correct a mistake that listed the most common spelling errors on "the 16 million we (sic) pages it has spell checked over the past year."

. . . .

The release quoted TextTrust as saying that it used both human editors and special spell-checking software to scour Web sites for spelling mistakes. "TextTrust wants to make sure that organizations never again receive the 'I found a spelling error on your web site' e-mail," it said.

[Previous TGIS]

Up Next, "Halliburton: A Journey in Song"

A few days ago I had assumed (hoped, really) that the Food and Drug Administration's anthem was an aberration, musically-speaking. It seems that while it is certainly painful, that musical tribute to a soulless organization is not unusual. In fact, there's at least one composer who makes his living producing corporate musicals; the Wall Street Journal profiles Ian Seeberg, "the Irving Berlin of corporate theater" (subscription required):

"What everybody likes is that I have a vision. They like that I'm leading the parade, that I know where the parade is headed," said the Los Angeles-based Mr. Seeberg, who's written some 20 musicals for clients like Waste Management, Sun Microsystems and Bank of America, and has composed theme songs and served as impresario for more than 200 corporate extravaganzas bankrolled by, among other clients, IBM, Coca-Cola, Mattel and Chrysler.

Mr. Seeberg's most recent gig, "Wal-Mart: The Musical," played to 18,000 of the retail giant's employees this past May at the chain's annual meeting in Bentonville, Ark. The show, budgeted at more than $1 million and conceived as a way to allay the fears of veteran employees about new products and procedures, included numbers like the anthem "It's All About the Customer...Always," the tango "Step Across the Aisle," and the Gilbert and Sullivan-flavored "Just Say Hello": "When you see someone who's searching/And they don't know where to go/Simply Take Initiative/Step up and say hello."

. . . .

"The thread linking all my shows is that I go for the lowest common denominator -- what we relate to as people, not as salespeople necessarily, not as upper management or middle management or even as people in business," said Mr. Seeberg, who is in his 50s. "I try to bring everything down to a very visceral level where we can laugh at something, cry at something. Then I know the point will be made. The most erudite corporate exec in the world can get up and talk to his minions and he certainly can be motivating and inspiring on a very intellectual level. Mostly you're getting a veiled threat like 'sell this product or we're going to tank. If you're not making your numbers we won't be seeing you next year.' But with a show there's a huge takeaway. It lets you as the audience member see yourself reflected in a character and lets you see your work situations played out.

. . . .

It takes three months for Mr. Seeberg to write a show, he estimates. He's currently working on four, among them productions for Toyota and Redken. If he's frustrated by the narrow scope and proscribed nature of his projects, he's keeping it to himself. "I never look down on these shows," he said stoutly. "I treat each one as if it were for Broadway."

Trustworthy

The Antitrust Review blog hosts the sixty-seventh edition of Blawg Review and produces what is, in my opinion, a model post for future hosts to follow. This issue has it all -- a good introduction to the host's usual focus, a manageable number of links on a variety of topics, helpful organization, and an entertaining flow. Hosting Blawg Review is not a cakewalk by any means, but neither should it be as difficult as, say, understanding and explaining anti-trust law day-in and day-out.

Newly-published author Jeremy Blachman hosts next week's Blawg Review. Perhaps he'll follow the Antitrust Review model and add a few dashes of his trademark wit; perhaps Anonymous Lawyer, Blachman's beloved(?) creation, will just have some associates do it for him next weekend and then fire those associates on Monday morning. Either way, it should be an issue to remember.

You have a Lovely Agency, Mrs. Cleaver

Via Reason Online's Hit and Run blog, Bloomberg.com reports on the one "musical" composition that may be a greater sign of American music's decline than the recently-recorded duet between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline:

Workers at the U.S. Food and Drug Administration are singing a new, 126-word ode marking the regulatory agency's centennial. The hymn is performed by an employee chorus at awards ceremonies, picnics and commemorative events. "Now in this proud hour, a vibrant vision thrives,'' one line goes.

. . . .

"I just got to thinking about trying to express my feelings about my job with some words and music,'' says [composer Gerald] Harris, who has worked at the FDA for 35 years. His anthem is sung by an employee chorus -- numbering two dozen at a June 30 performance -- and sometimes accompanied by a wind ensemble.

. . . .

The FDA posted his lyrics -- and an essay by Harris with annotations -- on the agency Web site. FDA Acting Commissioner Andrew von Eschenbach pulled Harris aside and thanked him. "The first time I heard it, I was stunned,'' von Eschenbach says in an interview. He hadn't known that Harris wrote music. "You don't associate people in these different contexts,'' he says.

Now Harris has groupies. After the June 30 performance, members of the chorus surrounded him, seeking his autograph on copies of the anthem.

"We really enjoyed it,'' says Deborah Price, an FDA analyst and chorus member who has performed the anthem half a dozen times. "We don't get much money but we can find happiness in these songs.''

Available online are the anthem's lyrics and -- God help us -- a video of its performance. I haven't the time to comment further on these; I'm off now to compose a hymn extolling my supervisor's many virtues. Is there anything which rhymes with "omniscient"?

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (73) . . . The Sequel!

This week's bonus joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of Reuters (from Tuesday, July 18; link good at time of posting):

A young Croat who posted a photograph of himself speeding on a motorbike on the Web was tracked down and fined by the police, the Jutarnji List daily reported Tuesday.

The 28-year-old, identified only as D.M., took a photo of his speedometer showing 170 km (100 mph) on a back road in northern Croatia and then put it on the Web site of his local municipality.

Police found him three days later.

. . . .

In addition to the speeding ticket, the police also discovered the motorcycle had been illegally imported from neighboring Slovenia and was not registered -- likely leading to another hefty fine, the daily said.

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TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (73)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of Reuters (from Monday, July 17; link good at time of posting):

Two Irish men who stole a fishing trawler after missing their ferry had to be rescued off the British coast where they were going in circles because they did not know how to sail.

After hours at sea, the men called what they thought was the Irish coastguard for help.

"They thought they were just off the coast of Ireland," said Ray Steadman, press officer of the Holyhead lifeboat in north Wales, about 66 miles east of Ireland.

In fact, the two were just 12 miles north of where they started in Holyhead and had called the British coastguard, Steadman told Irish broadcaster RTE Monday.

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The Blawgosphere from A to Z

David Jacobson hosts the sixty-sixth edition of Blawg Review at his External Insights blog. He covers the best of the past week's legal blogging on topics from Asian Blawgs to Zidane. Will next Monday's issue be as comprehensive? Tune in to the Antitrust Review blog to find out.

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (72)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of Reuters (from Friday, July 14; link good at time of posting):

Two Albanian men carrying stolen computers and flat-screen televisions worth $13,000 flagged down a Berlin taxi to transport their loot home but were later arrested after the cab driver called the police.

The taxi driver first helped the thieves load bulky boxes of stolen goods in front of a law office in the government quarter at 1 a.m. and then drove them to their apartment in a north Berlin district, a police spokeswoman said Thursday.

After collecting his fare and a generous tip, the taxi driver notified the police who later raided the apartment and found other stolen items from previous burglaries.

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When You're Deep in the Hole, Stop Digging

When your fifteen minutes of fame are finished and you've also burned through your wife's fifteen, is it possible to get a few more moments of publicity through the magic of frivolous litigation? It is! Thanks to a suit filed today (see here for an article or here for the pleadings), we will all enjoy the comedy stylings of Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame for a bit longer.

The couple allege that Vice-President Dick Cheney, Presidential Advisor Karl Rove, Administration Official Scooter Libby, and ten other "John Doe" defendants conspired to discredit Wilson's criticisms of the Administrations activities and policies prior to the Iraq War and to expose the identity of his wife, Plame, who was a CIA employee. I don't envy their attorneys' lots in life over the next several months as they try to prove those allegations. Did Cheney, Rove, Libby, and the plethora of Does work behind the scenes to discredit Wilson? If so, they didn't need to work particularly hard -- Wilson was busy in front of the scenes discrediting himself. Did these minions of evil expose Plame's identity? Not to Robert Novak, who wrote the column which started the whole affair -- as he wrote this week, "I learned Valerie Plame's name from Joe Wilson's entry in Who's Who in America."

Professor Chris Borgen, writing at the Opino Juris blog, probably calls it right: "It will be interesting to see how much the court paper read like a standard retaliation suit or whether they will turn on the issue of when/whether the Vice President is able to declassify information. Probably a bit of both." Captain's Quarters blogger Ed Morrissey anticipates "a splendid opportunity to ask Plame under threat of perjury" about the many loose ends in the entire "Yellowcake" kerfuffle. For my part, I'm just looking forward to the theatre of it all. Joe Wilson is to politics what Paris Hilton is to the arts -- incredibly tacky and utterly disposable entertainment to fill the down time during those commercial breaks between summer reruns.

The award for technical achievement in head-butting goes to...

Slate's "Explainer" column suggests how, even if you were scandalized by Zinedine Zidane's head-butting of an Italian opponent late in yesterday's World Cup Final, you can at least appreciate Zizou's technique:

Experts in self-defense and mixed martial arts say Zidane's head butt was a flawless demonstration of the form. He positioned his feet close to his opponent and stepped into the blow, contracting his abdominal muscles to curve into the attack. He was also careful to keep his chin down as he approached, which helped him land the strike with the top of his head as opposed to his brow or face.

Zidane employed a classic "forward head butt," favored by street fighters in Europe and the United States.

Zidane was awarded the "Golden Ball" award after the Final, recognizing him as the player of the tournament. FIFA has not yet confirmed that the award was based in part on style points for his head-butt.

Tеррорист

There is evil in this world, but slightly less today than yesterday.

Russian security forces have tracked-down and killed Shamil Basayev, the Chechen terrorist who was responsible for the 2004 Beslan school massacre in addition to the 2002 Moscow theatre siege and the assassination of the President of Chechnya in 2004. An airplane hikacking and an attack on a hospital in the 1990s round out his resumé. All told, the deaths of more than 2,200 men, women, and children are directly or indirectly attributable to Basayev's campaign of terror.

Я поздравляю вас, Россию!

There's a Whole World Out There

Dan Hull hosts the sixty-fifth edition of Blawg Review at his What About Clients? blog. For most endeavors, by the time one reaches the 65th iteration, there isn't much that hasn't yet been done; Hull's Blawg Review is a first, however -- it is, I believe, the first issue to focus exclusively on non-U.S. legal blogs.

With the just-ended World Cup, we Americans were reminded time and again that there is a whole world out there beyond our borders in which we are just another player. I'm sure that some other things occurred in the last few weeks which also serve to remind us of that, but I wouldn't know of them -- I was watching the World Cup.

I've been designated as a Blawg Review "Regular Contributor" for some time now (which Ed. has assured me has nothing to do with amount of fiber in my diet), but when I was told of the theme for this week's issue, I found myself completely stuck for post recommendations. It's now apparent to me that I need to broaden my own feed list and I'm glad that What About Clients? gives me a post chock-full of outstanding places to begin.

David Jacobson carries on the international flavor (flavour?) of the carnival when he hosts next week's Blawg Review at his Australia-based External Insights blog. I'm sure that that editon will rank just after the Socceroos on the list of things of which Australia will be proud this month!

Air Frivolous

This is probably the most frivolous claim I can recall in recent memory:

A Northeast Portland man is suing basketball superstar Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for a combined $832 million. Allen Heckard filed the suit himself, June 29th in Washington County Court. Heckard says he’s been mistaken as Michael Jordan nearly every day over the past 15 years and he’s tired of it.

"I'm constantly being accused of looking like Michael and it makes it very uncomfortable for me,” said Heckard.

Heckard is suing Jordan for defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering. He’s suing Knight for defamation and permanent injury for promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world.

. . . .

"Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan), said Heckard." [sic]

Most people would consider that a high compliment.

"Yes...don’t get me wrong it’s definitely a positive thing, because Michael, like I say is one of the best ball players that I've known to play the game. But then again, that's Michael and I'm me. So I want to be recognized as me just like Michael's being recognized as Michael."

. . . .

"I figure if I'm out in public and around a lot of people at least three or four times out of a crowd ...and like I was at the Blues Festival and you could see people they was pointing at me," he said.

Some might wonder how he decided to sue Knight and Jordan for $416-million each. "Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and ah, then I turn around and ah I figure that's what it all boils down to."

Rules 17(c)(3) and 17(d) of the Oregon Rules of Civil Procedure respectively prohibit and establish sanctions for filing frivolous claims. Unfortunately, Rule 17(c)(3), unlike the other provisions of Rule 17(c), applies only to attorneys, rather than to both attorneys and parties; thus, no matter how craptacular his legal claims may be, Heckard is not sanctionable (he filed without an attorney's assistance). Notwithstanding, I'm hopeful that the existence of Rule 17 was not the only thing which caused my fellow Oregon attorneys to avoid involving themselves in Heckard's effort.

Perhaps Michael Jordan will countersue. After all, when people point at him now, they might be recognizing one of the greatest athletes in history or they might just be mistaking him for Allen Heckard. If I were Jordan, I'd put on my Air Heckards and head down to the courthouse post-haste.

Nearly Time to Resume Life as Usual

I've not blogged much of late for a few reasons, most notably the World Cup, professional disruptions -- the end of a fiscal year and a change in office locations -- and general laziness whilst the family is away. Well, the World Cup concludes this weekend, the new fiscal year is well underway, and the family returns soon, so it's time to resume life -- and blogging -- as usual.

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (71)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of the Associated Press (from Tuesday, July 4; link good at time of posting):

[A Jordanian man in Dubai] has been arrested for allegedly trying to use an ID card with an Arabic name and [actor Brad] Pitt's photo which he allegedly downloaded from the Internet.

He allegedly forged the card with the Hollywood actor's picture and an Arabic name in an attempt to steal more than $22,000 left unclaimed at an exchange house where his brother worked as a teller, according to a report in the daily Gulf News.

He told police he had never heard of Pitt.

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