Conclusive Proof That Boxing Causes Dain Bramage

Boxing has had its share of great nicknames -- consider, for instance, John "The Beast" Mugabi, Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini, James "Bonecrusher" Smith, and Vinnie "The Pazmanian Devil" Pazienza -- but IBF Middleweight champion Arthur "The Smurf" Abraham is unlikely to be counted amongst them. Deadspin reports on this smurf-obsessesed boxer:

He calls himself "The Smurf," and he -- seriously -- actually uses The Smurfs theme song as his ring entrance music, which, without question, is the lamest goddamned entrance humanly possible, save for maybe anything by Creed.

And now The Smurfs are pissed. Those who own the rights to The Smurfs theme song have demaned Abraham to cease-and-desist playing the song before fights, and they'd like him to lose the hat too.

I've long advocated that fans of the Smurfs be beaten, and severely at that, but even I don't think those beatings should be televised regularly on ESPN2. This gentleman doesn't need a title belt; he needs professional counseling.

To put that in terms Abraham might comprehend, "Arthur Smurf, you need to stop smurfing and smurf a CAT scan."