Honest Dishonesty in Nigeria

In what is perhaps the best recent demonstration that Solomonic Wisdom is alive and well in the modern world, the acting head of the Nigerian Football Association said that referees in the African nation can accept bribes but that they should not allow them to influence their decisions on the field:

Fanny Amun, acting Secretary-General of the Nigerian Football Association, said bribery was common in the Nigerian game.

"We know match officials are offered money or anything to influence matches and they can accept it," Amun told Reuters on Friday.

. . . .

"Referees should only pretend to fall for the bait, but make sure the result doesn't favor those offering the bribe," Amun said.

At the seminar, Nigerian football league chairman Oyuiki Obaseki reprimanded referees for poor quality match reports, saying that bribery was to blame.

"The quality of your reports have not done our league any good, so please desist from corrupt practices," he told delegates.

Initially, I thought this was just an isolated incident -- one bad apple spoiling the barrel -- but the article goes on to say that "Nigeria consistently ranks among the most corrupt countries in the world". What?! Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?!

I swear, one more report like this and I'm going to stop sending my personal information to those kind Nigerian folks who e-mail me from time-to-time, requesting my assistance in moving their hard-earned oil revenues.

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (58)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of the Naples (Florida) Daily News (from Thursday, March 30; link good at time of posting):

A man crashed his car after a pet snake he had wrapped around his neck began attacking him, authorities said.

Witnesses reported that Courtland Page Johnson, 30, of East Naples, was driving erratically and crashed his PT Cruiser into several barricades about 9 p.m. Tuesday. He got out of his car, wrestled with the snake and then drove off, reports said.

When authorities caught up with Johnson at his home, he told them he crashed into another car that had stopped short in front of him. After questioning, Johnson admitted he panicked when his snake bit him.

[Previous TGIS]

And a Hoser Shall Lead Them

Canada has become the first nation (other than Israel) to cut aid to and diplomatic relations with the Palestinian Authority, which is now run by the political arm of the terrorist group Hamas. Our neighbors to the North have recognized what our own leadership hopefully soon will -- that elections do not legitimize terrorism. Bravo, Canada. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, the true north strong and free!

UPDATE: As is often the case, Ed Morrissey of the Captain's Quarters blog is among the first to understand what's at stake during a key moment in international politics:

No one pretends that the EU has much interest in unity with the US on foreign policy, but Canada has been a reliable partner for the past few years for Europe. Having Canada leap out ahead of even the US to isolate Hamas and disengage from the Palestinian Authority places much more pressure on the EU to follow suit. Even with the Tories in power in Ottawa, it will be impossible for Europe to characterize the Canadian government action as a radical right-wing move.

[Canadian Prime Minister Stephen] Harper really has cast a gauntlet down to all parties. He has challenged the Palestinians to acknowledge that choices have consequences, especially in elections, and Europe to follow through on its own policies of non-negotiation with terrorists. Harper's action also prods Washington to join him soon; if we delay, we may wind up leaving Harper twisting in the political wind.

Occam's Law

Sometimes, the simplest solution is one of the best:

A Canadian province wants to make it easier for people to say they are sorry without the fear of being sued.

British Columbia proposed legislation on Tuesday to allow people, companies and public officials to apologize without it becoming an admission of liability.

"There are times when an apology is very important and appropriate, but the legal implications have been uncertain," Attorney General Wally Oppal said.

It seems somewhat sad that our society (I'm including our bretheren to the North because they're not even a real country anyway) is so litigation-conscious that there is a need to specifically allow the simple "I'm sorry" (or "I'm sorry, eh" as the case may be). We've all known since we were children that a timely expression of regret, even when the other person is more at fault, often helps to defuse a difficult situation. If "I'm sorry" isn't enough in itself to set things right, it often paves the way for the parties involved to find a mutually-satisfactory solution.

Allowing people to say "I'm sorry" without it being deemed later to be an admission of fault is so simple it's brilliant; in a sense, this concept is already present in the Federal Rules of Evidence. FRE 407 provides:

When, after an injury or harm allegedly caused by an event, measures are taken that, if taken previously, would have made the injury or harm less likely to occur, evidence of the subsequent measures is not admissible to prove negligence, culpable conduct, a defect in a product, a defect in a product's design, or a need for a warning or instruction. This rule does not require the exclusion of evidence of subsequent measures when offered for another purpose, such as proving ownership, control, or feasibility of precautionary measures, if controverted, or impeachment.

In the immediate aftermath of one of the minor injuries we cause to one another every day -- like spilling a drink on a nearby diner, dinging the car in the adjacent parking space, or punching a Capitol Hill police officer -- what is a prompt apology if not a subsequent remedial measure?

By the way, to all those Northern Americans Canadians who took offense to my prior comments, I'm sorry.

Announcement: Judicial Selection Symposium and International Clambake

Amongst the many concepts discussed in Soren Kierkegaard's philosophy was the "leap of faith". Kierkegaard argued that doubt was a critical prerequisite for true faith -- in his view, without doubt one can never make the rejection of rationality necessary to experience true faith.

There's been much written over the last several years concerning the public's doubts about -- its lack of faith in -- its judiciary. To some extent, this doubt is a very rational reaction to the immense authority possessed by the judiciary over many aspects of our lives. Perhaps compounding that natural anxiety is our realization that judges are human players in a falliable system and that many are appointees whose selections seem at odds with the election processes favored by our democratic society. If Kierkegaard was correct, we must not avoid our rational doubts, but should examine them and move beyond them if we are to restore and maintain some measure of faith in the judiciary. Surely the stakes for the legal profession in particular and American society more generally are high enough to merit some attention to issues of judicial selection and independence.

So, you may be wondering, why am I trying to link Kierkegaard with discussions of judicial selection and independence? It's a fair question; after all, something would have to have been rotten in the State of Denmark for Soren Kierkegaard to pause to consider the state of the American judiciary.

The link, tenuous though it may be, is legal blogger I. M. Kierkegaard, who is spreading the word about the upcoming symposium, "Rethinking Judicial Selection: A Critical Appraisal of Appointive Selection for State Court Judges". The symposium will be held on Friday April 7, 2006 at the Fordham University School of Law in New York City. According to Kierkegaard (the still-breathing I. M., not the long-deceased Soren), "Papers will be published in the distinguished Fordham Urban Law Journal in the Summer of 2006. The Symposium will feature panels comprised of distinguished jurists, law professors, and political science professors from all over the country. Registration is free for the event, but encouraged in advance. RSVPs are encouraged by April 3, 2006." More information is available at his website.

While you're there, I encourage you to wander around a bit and read some of the intelligent and topical writing at this very worthwhile legal blog. I. M.'s commentary is both accessible and thought-provoking; moreover, it's quite rational, so you don't need to make any leaps of faith.

[Update]

Keeping It Real

The Dark Goddess of Replevin hosts the fiftieth edition of Blawg Review. In addition to marking a milestone in the carnival's progress, this issue also is noteworthy for prompting, to my knowledge, the first-ever discussion between an assumed persona and an anonymous person concerning the nature of reality in the blogosphere: In No. 50, The Dark Goddess pointed out a worthwhile new blog, Death of a Law Firm, but speculated that its author was not an associate, as she claims to be, but rather "a disgruntled partner writing a cautionary tale with which to flog her partners"; the author quickly replied that she is "not a partner and that this is not a fictional cautionary tale." Will Blawg Review continue in this metaphysical direction next week? Only George M. Wallace of the Declarations and Exclusions blog knows for certain. But what is "knowledge"? What is "certainty"? What is the definition of "is"?

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (57)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of the Associated Press (from Tuesday, March 21; link good at time of posting):

An unshaven man wearing a black evening gown, fishnet stockings, calf-high boots and a black wig robbed a USA Gas station Monday morning, authorities alleged.

The armed man stuffed $290 in cash into an ensemble-matching black purse.

. . . .

About 35 minutes after the robbery, police Officer Chad Ventimiglia spotted a black Saab with fishnet pantyhose hanging from the front driver's side door, dragging on the ground, investigators said.

The car was pulled over and Michael Leslie Clouse, 26, was arrested and booked for investigation of armed robbery.

[Previous TGIS]

Insufficient Obfuscation

A British Airways ad on BBC America and on the airline's website advertises service between New York and London for $199 each way. There are numerous caveats, of course, but the one which caught my eye was that this bargain fare requires a round trip purchase; in other words, the least you can pay for this "bargain" is $398 (plus taxes, plus surcharges, plus anything else they can think of, probably). In the most momentous brainstorm since Einstein hit upon his theory of relativity, some unheralded ad wizard has discovered that prices are more attractive if these are presented as half the amount charged twice. This pitch is so fiendishly persuasive that, although I saw the ad and decided to blog about it, I am certain that everyone else who saw it immediately purchased tickets.

Still, what is inspiration without vision? Like the pioneering soul who invented bread but failed to slice it, the British Airways adman hasn't carried through -- after all, $199 is still pretty daunting. Would anyone sponsor a child in the third world for $300 per year? Hell no! But "pennies per day" or "less than a cup of coffee" gets that food distributed, those sanitation systems built, and those warlords bribed. According to Orbitz, a flight from JFK to Heathrow and back takes fourteen hours and five minutes, or just 47 cents per minute -- better, but not misleading enough!

According to Indo.com, a website featuring tourism information for Bali and Indonesia, the distance between London and New York is 3,470 miles. (I'm sure there are other distance calculators out there, but there was something irresistible about using an Indonesian tourism site to calculate the distance from New York to London.) This works out to less than six cents per mile. If you don't think that's a remarkable bargain, get an objective opinion from an impartial third party -- offer six cents per mile to everyone who comes to you looking for Walk-a-Thon pledges (and please e-mail me their responses for my research).

Now if you'll excuse me, I must purchase some tickets to London. I have no need to go, but at just six cents per mile, how could I afford not to?

Dear Client: If we lose, it's all your fault. Love, Attorney

Taken from a client's perspective, if moving forward after losing a case is like learning to live with an open wound, having your own attorney publicly blame you for the loss would certainly be akin to a nice dose of salt. Bloomberg reports an instance of preemptive wound-salting by an attorney in the not-yet-decided DaVinci Code plagiarism trial:

A British trial over whether author Dan Brown plagiarized parts of his best-selling "The Da Vinci Code'' ended with the admission that one of the writers bringing the case was a "poor witness'' who didn't back his own claims.

Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh are suing Brown's publisher, Random House Inc., for copyright infringement. They claim Brown lifted the theory Jesus married Mary Magdalene and sired a royal bloodline from their non-fiction "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail,'' published more than 20 years earlier.

A lawyer for the two men today admitted that Baigent, one of the main witnesses during the two-week trial at London's High Court, was "overawed by the circumstances'' and wasn't able to identify many of the ideas his case is based on. Still, the two men should prevail on their claim that Brown stole from their work, Jonathan Rayner James QC told the court.

Now there's a winning argument!

I've not followed the British trial particularly closely, but judging by what little I've read, the plaintiffs' case seems to have some inherent weaknesses -- most notably that it is inconsistent with the longstanding legal principle (on both sides of the Atlantic) that one cannot plagiarize true events. If Biagent and Leigh had represented their earlier work as one of fiction, then perhaps the numerous similarities in Brown's later novel (with a bit of other legal and factual support) would be actionable.

Instead, the Holy Blood authors have always claimed that theirs is a work of non-fiction -- that it is a true account of the events depicted. To my knowledge, it has not been alleged by Biagent and Leigh that any passages in The DaVinci Code were lifted from their book, only that the underlying premises were very similar. Given that, their chances of prevailing in their suit against Brown seem as slight as Bloomberg's would be against me, if I were to write a novel about a plagiarism trial based entirely on today's article.

[Update]

Git Along, Little Blawgies

Oklahoma attorney Jim Calloway rethinks last week's rethinking and hosts a more traditional and informative forty-ninth edition of Blawg Review this week at his Law Practice Tips Blog site. In keeping with the host's frontier locale, this week's review centers around life on the range. If you recently saw Brokeback Mountain, your takeaway was likely that "life on the range" all about around love of musical theatre and love of one's fellow men. Calloway confirms the former by including several lyrics from Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma!, but dispels the latter by highlighting the ongoing smackdown amongst bloggers Ben Cowgill, Evan Schaeffer, and Kevin O'Keefe. When she hosts the fiftieth (!) Blawg Review next week, will the Dark Goddess of Replevin be the deus ex machina which will resolve their dispute?

Schadenfrozen (n.) : joy in the misfortune of the cryogenically-preserved

From The Register (FYI: "leccy" is British slang for electricity):

A French couple who had their bodies frozen in in the hope that medical science would one day be able to resurrect them have had to be sent up the chimney after a bit of bother with the leccy.

Cryonics pioneer Doctor Raymond Martinot stuck his wife in cold storage back 1984. He paid for his massive refrigeration bill by inviting tourists to gawp at the chest freezer. Son Remy added Ray to the stiff collection in the crypt of their chateau when he too snuffed it in 2002.

A bitter Remy recounted the disaster to AFP: "I realised in February that after a technical incident their temperature had risen to -20C probably for several days. The alert system [on the freezer] had not worked and I decided at that point that it was not reasonable to continue."

The cruel twist must be a real kick in the teeth for Remy, who had fought a long-running legal battle with authorities to be allowed to keep his folks on ice. When court ordered them in January to be buried or cremated, Remy said he would appeal the decision at the European Court of Human Rights.

Well, it's not like the Europeans are noted for their use of refrigeration.

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (56)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of the Deadspin blog (from Thursday, March 16; link good at time of posting):

In England . . . the controversy over soccer mascot Donny the Dog is only now beginning to subside. In a tense standoff last week, the costumed dog — the mascot for the Doncaster Rovers — was barred from coming within 50 meters of the Galpharm Stadium in West Yorkshire due to unspecified "police intelligence." Terrorism? Rabies? Authorities wouldn’t say.

Andy Liney, 58, a Rovers supporter for 46 years and a club director, is the man who has played Donny the Dog for the past five years. He offered to take off head and sit in the stands with fellow fans, but the police would not allow him in while wearing any of the costume. And so Liney had to go home. Why? Because he had no other clothes. That’s right — he showed up wearing the dog costume and nothing else. According to the team’s web site, Donny Dog was "too distressed to discuss the incident."

[Previous TGIS]

Perhaps Even the Most Obvious Rules Need A Teaching Example

With assistance from Professor Daniel Richman of Fordham University, Slate's "Explainer" columnist, Daniel Engber, answers the question, "Can I Tamper With My Witness?" That that answer is "no" should come as no surprise to any attorney except TSA lawyer Carla Martin:

Title 18, Section 1512 of the U.S. Code makes it a crime to tamper with a witness, a victim, or an informant. As a result, a lawyer doesn't need a judge to tell her that she can't kill, threaten, intimidate, or "corruptly influence" a witness so as to prevent or alter his testimony. (The law against obstruction of justice can also apply to cases of witness tampering.) But judges do have to be explicit in their proscription of less flagrant practices, like excessive witness "coaching."

. . . .

Judges can try to keep this from happening by sequestering the witnesses. That doesn't mean that a bailiff will confiscate their newspapers and lock them in a hotel—but it does mean that the lawyers can't tell them what other witnesses are saying at the trial. (In the Moussaoui case the witnesses were instructed to avoid media accounts of the trial as well.) Either side can request one of these sequestration orders under Rule 615 of the Federal Rules of Evidence, or the judge can issue it at her own discretion. In fact, it's common practice for a judge to sequester the witnesses at the start of a criminal trial.

What if a prosecutor coaches the witness a little bit too much before the trial even starts? Lawyers can start prepping someone for the stand well before the judge has a chance to issue a sequestration order. That means they can present their witness with documentary evidence that they plan to introduce in court, or they can tell him what their other witnesses are going to say under oath. These practices wouldn't necessarily run afoul of Rule 615, nor would they amount to criminal tampering under section 1512. But lawyers are under an ethical obligation to avoid coaching a witness in such a way that would distort his testimony. A prosecutor who violated this code might not face criminal and civil contempt citations (like the ones threatened for the Moussaoui blunder), but she could find herself in front of a state ethics committee.

Martin will have a bit of free time to review those codes and rules; she was placed on administrative leave this afternoon:

In court on Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Leonie Brinkema said that Martin violated federal witness rules when she sent trial transcripts to seven aviation witnesses, coached them on how to deflect defense attacks and lied to defense lawyers to prevent them from interviewing witnesses they wanted to call.

Brinkema warned her that she could face civil or criminal charges and that she appeared to have violated rules of legal ethics.

. . . .

On Thursday, Martin, 51, was placed on paid administrative leave from her job as a Transportation Security Administration attorney, where she earned about $120,000 a year.

Rest in Pieces

Dr. Robert C. Baker, the inventor of the chicken nugget, has died. There's no word as yet whether he will be processed into small bits, reconstituted with other meats, and lightly breaded before being cremated. On a personal note, as the man behind the chicken nugget, Baker was one of the three figures who has had the most profound influence thus far upon my daughter's young life, the other two being my wife and Donald Duck. Rest in tender, convenience-sized pieces, Dr. Baker.

St. Patrick's Day is One Big Health Fair

When your boss calls your mobile this Friday to ask why you've not shown at the office, don't equivocate -- tell him proudly that you're working out and that the company should be grateful for your efforts to lower their health insurance premiums.

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day, researchers at the University of Wisconsin have determined that drinking Guinness yields measurable health benefits:

The old advertising slogan "Guinness is Good for You" may be true after all, according to researchers.

A pint of the black stuff a day may work as well as an aspirin to prevent heart clots that raise the risk of heart attacks.

. . . .

The Wisconsin team tested the health-giving properties of stout against lager by giving it to dogs who had narrowed arteries similar to those in heart disease.

They found that those given the Guinness had reduced clotting activity in their blood, but not those given lager.

Clotting is important for patients who are at risk of a heart attack because they have hardened arteries.

A heart attack is triggered when a clot lodges in one of these arteries supplying the heart.

. . . .

The researchers told a meeting of the American Heart Association in Orlando, Florida, that the most benefit they saw was from 24 fluid ounces of Guinness - just over a pint - taken at mealtimes.

They believe that "antioxidant compounds" in the Guinness, similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables, are responsible for the health benefits because they slow down the deposit of harmful cholesterol on the artery walls.

Lending further credence to the results of this groundbreaking study, I have independently demonstrated the opposite proposition -- I am in noticeably worse physical condition than I was when I quit drinking eleven years ago. Friends, heed my cautionary tale and do not make the same mistake. Take care of your health; if not for yourself, do it for those you love.

Clod Allen

For those just tuning in, Claude Allen, a former Bush Administration domestic policy adviser, was arrested over the weekend for a string of petty thefts; here's the story in a nutshell:

Allen has been under investigation since at least January for the alleged thefts on 25 occasions at Target and Hecht's stores, said police spokesman Lt. Eric Burnett. Police reviewed his credit card records to track his purchase.

Police believe Allen would buy items, take them to his car, then return to the store with his receipt. He would select the same items, then take them to the store return desk and show the receipt from the first purchase. Using that method, he would receive credit for the second items on his credit cards, Burnett said.

Allen was allegedly seen Jan. 2 at a Target in Gaithersburg, Md., taking items off the shelf that he then took to the return desk. He had a receipt for the merchandise, was given a refund and left.

James Taranto at Best of the Web Today notes the blogosphere's discussion of the organized crime syndicate known as Claude Allen -- whether he's grist for the schadenfreude mill or a tragic tale of a high-flyer laid low by personal weaknesses -- and concludes that he's neither:

Assuming that the charges are true, this is one of those crimes that just make you scratch your head. Why would someone in a prominent position, who earned (according to the Times) $161,000 a year, risk it all to steal the equivalent of just over a week and a half's pay? Allen's alleged crime is neither petty enough to be excused nor big enough to be explained. It's just pitiful.

It'd be a shame if he's correct. Fifty-five "TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude!" posts and counting amply demonstrate that I don't just love schadenfreude as much as the next guy, I love it so much that the next guy wonders what the hell is wrong with me.

Personally, I think the situation is actually much less mysterious than the press and commenters would have us believe. In essence, Claude Allen is just another Bush Administration official who reached his Target without either a well-considered exit strategy or a plan to pay for his adventure.

Deep-Rethinking with Jack Handey

"I remember how, in college, I got this part-time job as a circus clown, and how the children would laugh and laugh at me. I vowed, then and there, that I would get revenge."
--Jack Handey


The deep-thinkers at RethinkIP, hosts of the forty-eighth edition of Blawg Review, have rethought the concept of Blawg Review entirely this week. Gone is the "bloated, link-whore-optimized versions of the original vision for what a carnival should be"; in its place are the three -- yes, three -- best items from the week that was. The Rethinkers describe their motivation thusly:

Remember the carnival experience of your youth? Your parents only took you to the travelling extravaganza when you were good. If you went to the carnival every week as a kid... you were a carnie. And if you were a carnie, I assure you that the carnival would lose some of it "specialness" - it wouldn't be about the lions, tigers and bears - nope, it would be about the whining children, the drunken sailors and the bearded lady who won't quit grabbing your behind.

No arguing there. I remember that many years ago, I came to a crossroads in my own life and had to decide between becoming a carnie and starting law school; in all the days since, I've always never regretted my decision to become a lawyer.

Still, with the notable exception of the host, all of us who traffic weekly carnivals are not the carnies but the kids. As a kid, what do you think of a bloated carnival? Some think it's great; some find it overwhelming. Regardless, you experience what you want to and skip the parts you don't. While you can build a great carnival around three great rides, three great rides do not a carnival make.

Notwithstanding, to their credits, the Rethinkers point us to, as Paul Harvey would put it, "the rest of the story" -- all those posts which didn't make the top three are enshrined over at Blawgr.com. There are some great posts over there, including a survey of the wheelings and dealings of three titans of the modern economy -- Microsoft, Google, and Fluffernutter. Whatever your feeling might be about the rethought Blawg Review this week, I don't know if any previous host has posted all of the recommended links received (I know I didn't the week I hosted).

Some might point and say that this week's emperor has no clothes; others will marvel at the new, high-concept wardrobe. In whichever camp you find yourself, next week brings a new emperor and a new wardrobe when Jim Calloway hosts Blawg Review #49 at his Law Practice Tips Blog site. The deadline for submissions for next Monday's issue is this coming Saturday. You've been good, so review the submission guidelines and join the travelling extravaganza!

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (55)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of the Associated Press (from Tuesday, March 7; link good at time of posting):

Federal authorities say John Cohen picked the wrong courtroom to flash a phony badge.

According to investigators, Cohen showed the fake Drug Enforcement Administration badge to a retired DEA agent, who was working as a courthouse security officer.

Federal agents raided Cohen's Manteca, California, home and say they found guns, an Oakland Police Department uniform, handcuffs and several small baggies of suspected pot.

He's been booked into the Sacramento County Jail on suspicion of several federal offenses, including impersonating a federal agent.

[Previous TGIS]

Faster Than You can Ask Whether Someone Has Prince Albert in a Can

From the Associated Press:

Authorities arrested a man accused of making thousands of harassing and obscene calls to random cell phone numbers in at least eight counties.

James R. Hood, 43, was charged with one count of compelling prostitution, or offering money for sex. He posted bond and was released from the Coshocton County jail, the sheriff's office said Wednesday.

. . . .

Hood's phone records show he made 2,623 calls in 20 days, "all basically obscene in nature," Coshocton County deputy Brent McKee said.

The calls were made between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m., Licking County Sheriff Randy Thorp said.

If you do the math, 2,623 harassing calls made in 20 hours works out to an irate call recipient every 27 seconds on average. This jackass is a telemarketing manager's dream employee.

Guns Don't Diagnose People; People Diagnose People

For all the Pollyannas amongst you who always look for the silver lining in dark clouds, here's a story about someone who's glad he was shot:

[Donald Batsch] was being treated for two gunshots in the arm and abdomen suffered during a robbery when doctors discovered a tumor.

"It was like an act of God that he shot me," Batsch said Tuesday.

Batsch, 54, was shot in the arm and abdomen during a robbery Feb. 16 at his Chester Lane Market. He fully recovered from the wounds, but doctors found the tumor.

As yet, police have not identified or arrested the culprit. When they eventually do, will some enterprising defense attorney argue that his client deserves leniency for setting the diagnosis in motion?

If This Isn't Change, What Is?

My sister (the lovely wife of the previously-mentioned Kevin Cruikshank) graciously and unexpectedly sent me a copy of Jay McInerney's new 9/11-themed novel, The Good Life. Since I can honestly say that I enjoyed even Ransom and Story of My Life, I'm probably not the most reliable critic of his work, but for what it's worth, I'm enjoying The Good Life thus far.

I don't generally make a habit of reading the "early acclaim" blurbs, which publishers seem to think induce people to buy their books. I for one doubt that these blurbs are persuasive to anyone; most people probably see these as just the literary equivalent of dogs sniffing each others' behinds. This time, though, a couple caught my eye. The first, calling the book "A very subtle, incredibly insightful, heartbreaking story about life in New York", was from James Frey, a leading authority on fiction. I'm going to go out on a limb here and speculate that in future printings of the book, Frey's comment will not make the cut.

The second was by Keir Graff, who writes for Booklist, a review magazine published by the American Library Association. Quoted on the book jacket, Graff says about 9/11 that "A day that most people said would change us all forever seems now to have provided only a vacation from our bad habits". I've heard much debate about whether the changes in our society's laws, foreign policy, and general outlook since 9/11 are good or bad, but rarely have I heard someone say that no fundamental changes have occurred. Although Graff's comment strikes me as one of those provocative statements meant to tweak one's political opponents and elicit an "amen" from one's own choir, I'm at a loss to say where on the political spectrum his choir might be. Regardless their views about it, both the left and the right in America recognize profound change when they see it; it seems, however, that there's some neverland out there where things are the same now as they were on 9/10.

Many days, I wish I lived there.

Probably Useful

Eh Nonymous hosts the forty-seventh edition of Blawg Review at the Unused and Probably Unusable site. The big news from last week, including the RIM-NTP settlement and Anna Nicole Smith's appearance at the Supreme Court, are well-covered (unlike Smith herself on occasion). Next week, RethinkIP will rethink Blawg Review.

Thou Shalt Not Make a Non-Groovy Graven Image

Not since Stryper has there been this much excitement about Christian heavy metal:

Thomas Haley was unloading supplies for his job at Hardy's Hardware when he said something odd caught his eye: the face of Jesus Christ on a piece of sheet metal.

Now, Haley and a co-worker are hawking the holy hardware on eBay, hoping potential bidders will agree that the blurry oil stain on the sheet metal does, indeed, resemble Jesus.

"I mean, it hasn't done anything miraculous as of yet, but seeing it is kind of groovy," said Haley, 23. "Just seeing it brightens people's day."

. . . .

"Some people said, 'Are you sure it's Jesus?' and I think, 'Who else would come to give us a sign, Groucho Marx?' " Jackson said. "I think it's a good thing. Maybe it's trying to give some people hope."

The online eBay auction for the potentially pious sheet of metal started Wednesday, but no potential buyers had placed the minimum $19.95 bid as of Saturday afternoon.

The auction is scheduled to end March 1 unless someone pays the "buy it now" price: $10,000.
Haley said that whatever money is raised will be split between him, Jackson, another worker, and two customers. But he's still a little ambivalent about the sale.

"I feel kind of bad just pawning off Christ," Haley said.

TGIS: Thank God It's Schadenfreude! (54)

This week's joy in the misfortune of others comes courtesy of the Associated Press (from Wednesday, March 1; link good at time of posting):

A man showing off his OnStar system in his Cadillac Escalade found out the system worked too well. Ralph A. Gomez, 38, was being held Wednesday on $15,000 bond on charges of possession of an illegal narcotic within 1,000 feet of a church and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Gomez was showing off his OnStar system to his girlfriend, but the volume was set so low that he couldn't hear the OnStar operator. OnStar comes on many new General Motors vehicles and allows a customer to contact an OnStar representative in an emergency or to get directions.

If there is no response, OnStar contacts police.

That's what happened with Gomez on Friday night, Tom Clements, a spokesman for the St. Augustine Police Department, said Wednesday.

When police located Gomez' car, they determined there was no problem. But Clements said cocaine was clearly visible on the car's center console.

In addition to seizing $1,900 in the case, the Cadillac equipped with the OnStar system was also seized, Clements said.

[Previous TGIS]